I just made my first loan payment

…after deferring my student loans for the past year and I feel a little bit dead inside. 

It’s sickening how the desire to better oneself through higher education is a decision that may very easily put you in the poor house. 

Yes, it was my choice to attend the fancy, brand-name university. No one forced me to sign my name and my life on the dotted line, so I claim full responsibility for that.

But was it wrong of me to want to invest in myself? Was it wrong for me to, just once, want the best of something and not have to settle for “good enough”?

That being said, I don’t regret my  decision to attend a prestigious (read: expensive) institution; I received the type of education I had been dreaming of my entire life. 

Still, it’s demoralizing for society to tell a child from a city where there’s very little hope of upward mobility that college is her only way out and then make it impossible to afford.

Like the carrot dangled in front of a hungry horse’s mouth, yanked away if ever the horse gets too close, so the dream of a better life eludes those who need it most.

You can get ahead in the world, so long as you (or your parents) have the money to pay for it. And if you don’t, God help you. 

Doing the Most

I have a lot going on at the moment and in spite of myself (and the exhaustion I’m battling daily), I kinda like it this way. It’s all too easy for me to fall into idleness in the form of an endless cycle of Netflix and naps, so spreading myself a little thin for a couple of months is a welcome test in elasticity.

As I’ve been horrible at blog upkeep (oops), you have no idea what I’ve been up to, so here’s a not-so-quick recap:

  • I’m still interning at the educational media company I’ve been with since January, but I leave at the end of August because:
    • I’ll be starting a new position on August 31st as a Math Facilitator for kindergarteners as part of this interesting longitudinal, NYC-wide research project. I’m SUPER excited about it.
  • I’m taking a GRE prep course because:
    • I’ll be applying to masters programs in educational media/technology for Fall 2016.
    • Relearning math has been especially challenging, as I’d only taken one math class in college (Statistics, in which I got a shiny “D” ), but it’s slooowly coming back to me.
  • I was also planning on applying for a Fulbright grant to teach English in Sri Lanka, but I’ve decided to postpone it for the time being.
    • Maybe next year!
  • I’m on my church’s scholarship committee and we’ve been hard at work preparing for the application process to begin.
    • This is our scholarship’s first year back following a short hiatus, so I’m excited to see how we do.
  • I’m improving my eating habits and exercising (almost) daily before work.
    • I’ve already started seeing results. *flexes muscles*
  • I’m learning how to skateboard!
    • I’ve been going to an adult beginner skateboarding class (yes, those exist) and it’s SO MUCH FUN.

So, THAT’S what’s been sapping up all of my time and energy as of late. I’m literally doing the most, but I’m pretty content with it. The one thing I wish I had more time for is writing. Though, not as GRE essay prep or personal statement drafts; I miss writing fiction and screenplays and random blogposts about nothing. Here’s to trying to squeeze that into my already packed days.

6 Months

It’s been six months, six long months, since I’ve last posted anything on this blog and I’m quite ashamed of that fact. The reason for this hiatus/sabbatical/break isn’t that I haven’t had anything meaningful happen in the past half-year. On the contrary, these last six months have housed some of the highest and lowest points of my 22-year life:

  • Highest: I survived my final semester of college and graduated.
  • Lowest: My big sister was diagnosed with cancer and began chemotherapy.

As you can imagine, these two things, along with the hundreds of others that fall between them on the spectrum, forced me to focus more-so on living and less-so on reflecting. But, as these six months have come and gone, I realize how much mental and emotional build-up I have clogging my figurative arteries. I need a release for all of the thoughts and feelings that I’ve been accumulating since April of 2013 and this is just the place to do it.

Naturally, it will take some time for me to bring you up to speed on all that has transpired, but as I’m currently unemployed (I had a FANTASTIC postgrad summer internship that just ended) and on the job search, I have some indefinite free time. So, bear with me as I unload six months of joys, pains, hopes, fears, anxieties, and general weirdness.

Tell your friends: Monique is back and in full effect.